A Prayer

Dear Baseball God, Lord, sweet, tiny-baby Jesus/Allah/Holy Spirit/ Insert Deity of Your Choice Here....

I don't mean to come to you with evil in my heart, but if you could see your way to maiming Alex Rodriguez in some way, I sure would appreciate it. I don't mean kill him, Lord. No, even I have to admit he's got some talent... But just for the next, say 6 weeks or so, if he could just suddenly come down with a case of explosive diarrhea, or maybe some wicked bad hemorrhoids- so bad he can't walk, much less lift a bat, well... that would just be swell.

You see, those damn Yankees are only continuing to bother me because of this one man. If he were somehow removed from the situation, they would cease to even be a worry to me- I'm sure of it! Instead, they are like a cockroach. Always coming back. Even when I think it's been squashed, it keeps coming back. It's maddening!!!!

I don't ask for much, Lord... And I apologize that I seem to come to you often in the 9th inning. I thank you for all the times you've helped my boys this season. Thank you for continuing to assist my sweet Mike Lowell to kick ass and for Clay's no hitter. Thank you for back-to back-to back-to back home runs. Thank you for helping Papi start to hit like Papi again.

I look forward to your reply. No note necessary, I will know you have answered me when A-Rod runs off the field with poo running down his uniform...

Amen.