Going to a Happy Place...

So over the past few weeks I’ve developed an eye twitch that will not stop. Terminal? No. Annoying? Yes. Annoying as hell. It comes whenever it pleases- my right eyelid jerks like its being electrocuted. People have told me it’s barely visible and only when I point and my eye and hold them down to stare at it. “LOOK AT IT!? CAN’T YOU SEE IT?!?”

I’m told that along with my nail biting and affinity for chips and other crunchy snacks, this is a product of my stress level. Even the sweet little nurse I called from my insurance company said that all these other symptoms I’ve had lately sound stress induced. (Insomnia, hair loss, muscle soreness in my neck and shoulders, lots of fantasizing about running away from home) Stressed? Me?

I only have 4 children. Who are involved in football, cheerleading, student council, UIL, athletics, underwater-basket weaving etc… I work at a hotel that is much like the money pit right now and we are in the process of renovation. I go to work not knowing which wall will be missing on any given day or which ceiling it will be raining from. During all this, I am to pamper all my clients as though they have arrived at Trump Towers.

My marriage, well, let’s just say it… Is in the toilet. I worry about money every second of the day. One of my friends is getting married this week- which would normally be a good, happy thing, except I have had to listen to every detail in minutia for at least 3 hours a day for the past 9 months. AND I’ve spent my own time and money (LOTS of it) completing my own responsibilities as Maid of Honor.

Okay, maybe a little stressed… But I hate to admit it. Because there is always someone else who has a real reason to be stressed. Like living in a box… or has cancer….or a Yankees fan who still thinks they’re going to the playoffs (couldn’t resist)….

So Nancy, the sweet little nurse from my insurance company says if I don’t want to go see a doctor, (I don’t. They freak me out) I should just try to take a few minutes each day to be alone and quiet and relax. She jokes, “Go to your Happy Place.” (Sidebar: That reference immediately made me think of the scene from Happy Gilmore when Adam Sandler sees Chubbs playing the piano and his Grandma running around with loads of money.)

So I think- Where IS my happy place? I could say on a beach, all by myself listening to waves crash and someone handing me a froofy drink with a pineapple wedge and a pink umbrella in it, but really, how can I focus on something I’ve never had?

So I chose my happy place from places and times that could have actually been and would have stayed if time could be frozen….

I am sitting at a table in a clean, beautifully decorated room, the windows are open and a cool breeze is coming in. Baseball or NASCAR is on a big TV. There are two other people in the room- people I could sit and hang out with for hours and hours and they don’t stress me out- they make me happy to be in their space. In front of me is a bowl of homemade clam chowder. (It is very important that this was made by someone else- for me) I am eating my chowder and drinking my Cape Cod (also made for me) and being happy… And for those minutes in my happy place, no one is demanding anything of me but to sit there and enjoy. I can JUST BE. I do not have to take care of anyone or insure their happiness. My only job is to sit there and know that for those brief moments, EVERYTHING is right with the world…

I feel the breeze. I hear the gentle background noise of the game, but mostly just the laughter from these people and myself. There is no phone ringing, no arguing or yelling. I can relax and let everything else go.

And look at that- just typing about it, my eye hasn’t twitched at all the past 10 minutes. Maybe that little Nancy is onto something…