The Juicebox Sucks

There. I said it. This post is about a month late, but really, when I save you from going to a sucky ballpark, you'll thank me.

Because I am a Sox girl, I really have no need for the Astros. Or their ballpark. Or Houston, really, but I digress... So when I found out the Sox were coming to town this year, I was excited to see my boys in another park- in my state- for more games this year! Yay me! Happily I headed off to Houston and Minute Maid Park.

The whole 'dome' thing threw me at first, but I figured I would get used to it. So I watched some BP and marveled at how, well, little the park seemed when it was covered. So I take out my ingeniously configured Sox book with already rigged ribbon on a spool and attached Sharpie. I'm out in left field, toss my line over and wait for my first bite. Just as Paps and Javy Lopez are pointing and walking over to sign, some official heads over and grabs and and tells me "Reel it in or lose it, lady." REALLY? Really, Mr. Astros Security Guy? Do you not see Jon and Javy walking this way to sign my book? GAH! So I reeled it up, and Javy and Paps laughed at me.... Dammit.

After BP and the incident with that jerk, I needed an adult beverage. So I walk and walk and walk until I find those foot tall sangrias. Just what the doctor ordered! As I am happily sipping on my drink and I find the entrance to our seats, another 'Stros security man tells me I cannot enter my seating area with alcohol. I have to finish it or throw it away.... even though, yes, they sell alcohol on that floor too.

Because we were 3 minutes from the first pitch, I tried like hell to suck that bitch down, but all I ended up doing was giving myself the worst brain freeze ever experienced by man. I still had to throw half the damn $12 drink away.

By the time I sit down, I'm already not happy, but I am about to see BASEBALL, so I don't care. I'll be fine. Let's do this. I sit down and immediately have to put my sunglasses back on even though I am inside- the glare from the sun through the glass is so bright I can barely see the field! AND had I not been blinded by that, I would have noticed I was surrounded by Astros fans. Mean ones. But I didn't notice that part...yet.

Game on. There are my boys! We are doing great. I'm the only one cheering for my guys in a 10 section radius so I am immediately branded the asshole. I'm getting booed when I stand up and clap. Then the bitch in front of me arrives. And starts talking to a guy a seat over.

And doesn't shut the fuck up for EIGHT INNINGS. Neither one of them saw one pitch, one swing, one catch. Can someone tell me why the hell you would GO to a game if you aren't even going to watch it?

Around inning 5, someone hit a double and I came out of my chair cheering. Talking Bitch leans over to the guy and loudly declares me a "Band waggoner". So I call her out on it. "Do you know the starting line up for the team you aren't watching? Their stats? No? Then shut up before you call people names."

Of course that only made it worse. She just talked louder for 2 more innings before going home.

I asked the person who came with me to go grab a couple hotdogs for us at one point during the game as well. He obliged, knowing that once I'm seated at a game, I don't move. He came back with these hotdogs covered in grilled onions and bell peppers. Wha?! Where I come from, baseball hot dogs means mustard. Maybe ketchup. Wtf is this? He tells me it's all he could find and when he asked the cashier if he he could have it without the vegetables, the guy replied, "This our signature dog. This is how they come."

No hotdog, wasted drink, no autographs, talking assholes all around me.. And I'm in a dome. With no wind, no sky, no place for the poor ball to fly to... I felt like I was watching a play about baseball instead of real baseball starring my favorite boys ever.

We won that Friday game which saved the day for me, but it was the worst game experience I have ever had. The Astros can keep their dome and craptacular hot dogs and their rules. I am SO glad the guys don't go there often- Arligton is so much more beautiful and friendly and open.

Maybe I'm old school. I like my hotdogs with mustard, my liquor in my belly-not in the trash, my players accessible and my baseball outside.

Happiness in Cincy Part 2

Happiness is WHITE CASTLE for lunch! YUM! Watching Manny be Manny up close and personal,
and seeing your VBF's favorite Ballpark with her...
It is watching Josh Beckett take the mound... Mmmmmm... Josh.
and get himself a big, fat W!
Special thanks again to my friend Christel who makes our adventures so much fun! Next stop? BOSTON!

Happiness in Cincy Part 1

Seeing Johnny Bench with the Mayor...
and my Dustin
Happiness is seeing boys in the dugout,
Tek and Coco after a 2 run HR, Paps during BP, and being in a dugout with your VBF...

...and ON the field. No REALLY! I'm ON. The. FIELD.
Happiness is being 6 feet away from Mikey...
and above Tek... *sigh*
Happiness is also spying Mr. Beckett in the dugout making faces at fans...

I've got some 'splainin' to do...

I realize it sounds odd. Girl who lives in Texas...was born in Detroit... has never been anywhere NEAR New England... is a die hard Sox fan and is in love with Boston?

In baseball of course there is always a story. Sometimes its where you grew up or who your parents rooted for, another friend started following the Yankees because it was the closest stadium to him and he got his ass beat if he didn't like them. My VBF inherited her love of the Reds after a divorce from a fan. Ditched the husband- kept the team. That? Is awesome.

My story begins with a boy...er, boys. In 1987, I was 12 years old and became infatuated with New Kids on the Block. They were from Boston and as was my vice at the time, I wrote about them. In fact, I wrote a book. Like any good author that I wanted to grow up to be, I did my research. I spent days in the library looking up information on Boston and looking at pictures. I wrote their Convention and Visitor's Bureau asking for information. They sent me books and maps and coupons... and a Wade Boggs baseball card. Red Sox, huh? Okay. More research. Wade Boggs and his moustache were amazing.Was he cute? not so much to a 12 year old girl who already had her wedding to any of the New Kids all planned out. But he was AWESOME. I counted myself as a Sox fan.

But more than that, I feel in love with the city... The Emerald necklace, the Freedom Trail, the history, Beacon Hill, learning all about the different neighborhoods, the ocean, Newbury Street, Harvard Square. All of it. I wanted to read everything I could get my hands on about it and see as many pictures as possible.

There was some mystique to it...Something so romantic and beautiful and historical andandand.... Not only that, but I LOVED the way the boys sounded. Boys from Boston and their incessantly dropping R's put me through puberty. I still cannot hear it without getting giggly and my knees getting weak.

Of course, years go by, and I went through years not taking ANY notice of the baseball world, put my posters away and wanted to go to BU. I was a budding journalist and decided that was it. I got all the info on the school- pamphlets and brochures, pictures and forms and more forms to fill out. I was ecstatic...but quietly. I was panicked- how the hell would I ever pay for this? I had okay grades, but could I get in? I was in the mess of trying to figure that all out when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter.

And that answered that for me.... Married, kids, work, life...until, of course, another stupid boy reminded me of the Sox and I fell again- HARD.

So I threw myself into baseball. Stats, scores, history and autobiographies... I wasn't born into it, but all four of my children damn sure were.

I am still in love with the city. As much as I have wanted to go and see there had to be a reason or money or time...or someone who gave enough of a crap to go with me. And now all those things have fallen into place and I WILL go...next year. No more excuses or waiting, or planning or dreaming myself into photographs. I will be there breathing in Boston. And crying- there will probably be crying.

I am in awe of fans who were "Born Into It". I usually annoy them with questions of "Did you see this or that game? The All Star Game where they wheeled Ted Williams out? What about when this happened or that?" I've only read about these things- I want to know what they felt like. I want to know what it's like to live where they happen. I always feel a little inadequate- "Oh you're from Texas.." and I feel like I am immediately branded with an invisible "Bandwaggoner" label.

And you know what? Fuck it. Call me what you want. I know who sets her alarm to get up at 5am to watch games from Japan. I know who leaves GameDay up because she is so afraid she'll miss something. And I know who will be the Future Ex-Mrs. Papelbon-Varitek-Beckett-Lowell. And we'll have a beautiful wedding...in Boston... where NKOTB will sing just for us each time...

Rubbing It In...

.... but just a little, I swear. I don't normally like to do this, because payback is always a bitch, but really- a Sweeping 18-5?!? That's not just a W, that's like an ass-whooping on some of Giambi's leftover 'roids! It's like the boys lined the Twins up, held their hands on the way to take 'em to school, then beat their asses like motherless schoolyard bullies. Did anyone even tell the Twins there was a game yesterday?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to contain that kind of joy at work when corporate is in and you've got Gameday up?! Willing your body to not do your own personal Happy Dance that it instinctively goes to in times such as those? It was painful how difficult that was!

Have a well deserved day off, my boys. Well played.

One a Day...

So lately everybody I've read is doing this dedicated "X,Y, Z Days of Blogging". And while I hate writing just to say I wrote something, not necessarily anything of substance, I think it might get me over this whole 'whatever I have to say is probably stupid' thing I've been having lately.

So here's what I have to say today, regardless of it's substance:

* I am o-v-e-r planning other people's shit. When the f is someone ever gonna plan something for me? I mean really? Seems like anyone gets knocked up or engaged in this state and a phone call is made to this girl. I do it all day for other people then get hit up for friends and family and strangers too! I seem to remember having the world's Most Craptacular Bachelorette Party Ever and oh yeah, 2 baby showers that none of my actual friends held for me. I don't owe anybody shit. OVER it.

* I hate anyone who drives a racecar whose last name is Busch. A lot. A really lot. Apparently so much that I am avoiding watching NASCAR now because of it. Is this how Gordon haters felt in the late 90s?

* I have always lived by the rule that brown fat looks better than white fat, which is why I like to get a little brown in the summer. But if my butt is the fattest part of me, how the hell am I gonna get THAT part brown without exposing it in the light of day? I look like I am wearing a cream colored bikini when I'm naked!

* I am on day 2 of working 7 days in a row. This blows.

* Can someone PUH-LEEAZE tell me why anytime Josh Beckett picks up a baseball and pitches spectacularly for the Sox the offense takes a nap, but when m-fing Dice-K shows up and threatens to hand the game to the opposing team with a nice big, fluffy bow on it, my boys step up and get HIM a "W"? I mean really... My poor Josh.

* I want Nachos and Mexican Martinis. STAT.

That is all....