Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Can't...Focus...Seeing...Billy...One...More...Day

Oh my gawd, could this day be any longer?!?!?!!?! I get on a plane in 23 hours from right now... Billy will be singing to ME (only me!) in 30 hours from this VERY MINUTE! How can I possibly be expected to work under these conditions?

Seriously!

I have done laundry, folded stacks to be packed, organized makeup bag, bought tiny shampoo, conditioner, body wash, mouthwash and face soap. I have printed out my boarding pass, made a file containing all my confirmation numbers, passes, tickets and travel documents along with printing out menus to restaurants I might want to eat at while in the Mile High City. I have done all the 'new stuff' shopping I can do, gotten a haircut, a mani and a pedi! I. Am. Ready.

Now, what kind of trouble can I get into while waiting this insufferable 23 hour wait?!?!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Start Your Engines!

I swear, Florida is just THE most awesome place to be this month. If it's not my BoSox Boys decending upon Ft. Myers for Spring Training, it's the beginning of Speedweeks for my NASCAR boys capped off by the 50th running of the Daytona 500 on Sunday! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

It is time for the return of buring rubber, gasoline and revving engines. It is time for bump and runs, tempers flaring, and Kurt Busch ass-whipping. I can't wait for the return of NASCAR commercials featuring my boys, on and off track rivalries, and Tony Stewart's ever increasing girth. This is the year for Jeff's 5th Cup- I can feel it! (Technically, I stand by my former statements and claim he has really won 6 already that were stolen from him by NASCAR Asshats and their 'executive decisions' to change everything about the sport)

This is not the race to watch if you are new to NASCAR. It is long and positions change every half a lap. There will be wrecks, but most of the time this race is a 3 hour long chess match that is only for the devout. We understand why it is a big friggin deal that soemone had to change engines or someone didn't pit on cycle. We get it. It's a racing thing... You wouldn't understand. For you newbies who I am trying to bring to the fold and show the beauty that is stock car racing, wait for Bristol. No one can watch that race and not get the bug. And once you've been bitten, you will never be the same.

So bring on the anthem, the fly-over, the hot dog smell mixed with tires burning, and the cars so loud you have to scream to hear your own thoughts! Bring on the boys in driving suits! It's been 3 whole months and Mama has missed you!!!!!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

A word from the Papelbomber...


"Spring training's always fun," Papelbon said. "Spring training is a time to relax, at the same time start getting ready for the season. I always get excited. Just on the way down here, you know, driving and stuff, you think about what happened last year, going out there and doing it again. You turn the radio up loud. You cruise. It's always a fun time of the year for me."

Ya'll pardon me... I'm gonna get my shoes on and get outta here. I feel the overwhelming urge to take a road trip to Florida and find myself a wicked awesome closer out there driving fast and singing loud!

The Boys are Back in Town!

It smells like spring time, baby, because Red Sox pitchers and catchers reported today! They're unloading the trucks, dusting off the bags and restriping the fields!

IT'S TIME FOR SOME BASEBALL!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Accosted at the Wal-Mart

Can someone tell me why I need to mentally brace myself to enter or exit Wal-Mart now?

It has become increasingly clear that I may never get to enter or exit the damn store without forming a game plan to fend off all manner of people who want my money and are pissed off that I won't give it.

From the frickin' Girl Scouts to the Salvation Army, to the religious people asking me to donate for a church or so and so's hospital bills.

DUDE! I am shopping at Wal-Mart. If I had any GD extra money to just toss away to any Joe Schmoe with a sob story would I BE HERE???

For REAL! I get that you're a Girl Scout Mom, but do you really need to pimp out your freckled face 6 year old to score 5 bucks for a boxa cookies? Do they prep those little bitches and tell them to frown and pout when you say no? What about the poor diabetics that you are KILLING by turning them into suckers for a box of Thin Mints???

And you, Austin American Statesman bastard, YES I am lying when I tell you "I already get it", but your snide little, "Are you sure?" is completely unwarranted. There is a REASON I am booking it past you at 20 miles an hour- Don't fucking ask me if you already KNOW I'm going to say no! And if you have a problem with how people treat you, how about getting a better fucking job where you don't have to annoy people outside the m.f'ing WAL-MART all day, hmmmmm???

But the most loathesome, the most terrifying of all these is that asshole who sells his Jesus inspired wood and nail driven crosses. "Don't you love Jesus?" he says. I try really hard to smile and nod litke the mindless retard he takes me for, but them he has to call at my back "See you when you come out!" Now I know that asshole is waiting for me and he has ruined my entire shopping experience. So I spend the whole time wheeling around the store wondering if Mr. Sneaky Jesus Guy has moved to another door knowing I'll try to avoid him... Does he think I KNOW that he KNOWS that I KNOW he's goign to do that so he'll stay put?! It's so much pressure!

So I go out the same door I came in and there he is "I been waiting for ya!" "Sorry- not interested!" I yell as I pedal that cart, hop up on the bar and cruise to my car praying oncoming traffic will dodge me. I think I am victorious.

Until I get home.

And realize... I have forgotton the TP.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

SUPAH BOWL!


For the first time, I am TOTALLY into this game for something other than Fat Kid Food and new commercials. I am EXCITED about it and can't wait!

Is it all about seeing Tom Brady? No. Well, that's a big perk... BUT it's actually about the game. After becoming a Pats fan by proxy (Sox fan, Fitzy fan, Tom Brady fan) I have watched them shoot for this perfect season all year. I have had the fights and defended "Spygate" with my Jersey coworker who (of course) loves the Giants and is giving me the "asterisk in the history books" speech.

Screw you, Jersey! If you can be this new kind of awesome under the huge ass microscope the Pats have been under all year, you just ARE that good. Tom is just that awesome. Randy is COVERED in awesome sauce and our buddy Bill? Served with a big 'ol side of awesome.

You know what else I love about this game? (Yes, besides Tom and his smile...and that chin. *sigghhhhh*) I love the betting! Not just the money on odds kinda betting either. The pools at work, the sexual favors being bet upon, the putting anything on the line for a game you cannot control at all. Going on in every town, in every state at the same time.

I love the excuse to drink on Sunday...

I DO love the commercials...

And the Tom Petty...

And oh yes, believe me... I heart the Fat Kid Food too.