Breaking Up is Hard to Do...

Breaking up is never easy... even if it is with men you've had a very imaginative, pretend relationship with. It still hurts. but the above men have crossed me personally in ways that are unforgivable. So, they are being cut from the ranks of my Pretend Boyfriends. It's sad, really, but then, you could look at it as time to start a new roster! So, without further ado...

Most of you know about Adam & I... We actually broke up a few weeks ago when I saw this, this THING on his head.... AGAIN. The first time I can overlook, but really, this is too much.... I'll miss him and our Thanksgiving/Hanukkah/Red Hooded Sweatshirt songs, but we are o-v-e-r.

Dear, sweet Brad... It will never work if that's how you want to raise my kids once you adopt them. It just won't. We would've been an awesome little Brady Bunch, you and I... what with my 4 and your 6. But whatever. I'm over you and your hotness if you think I'll ever let my kids wear a Yankee hat. I'd rather they grow up to be hookers and garbage men...

Et tu, Brady? Really? When I saw this last year, again, thought it was a joke. But repeatedly, over and over? How could you? Ditching your pregnant girlfriend for some skinny model is one thing. THIS presents an entire different set of issues. No wonder the sports gods saw you unfit for 19-0....

Oh Jeff.... Where do I even begin? I thought after 12 years we could make it through anything together. The wins and losses, the devastating Winston in the Chrome Illusion car, the divorce, your random hookers on the yacht, even the Yankee cap I know you just wore to keep from getting your ass beat when you moved to New York. But partying with Paris Hilton?! At an event you invited her to? Now we have a problem. Stupid is as stupid does, Jeff. And I can't be the next Mrs. Gordon knowing you're cool with hanging with stupid. Maybe on the off chance you totally made fun of her when she walked away, we might have something to fight for. If not.... sigh, I'll miss you the most.