All Kinds of Wrong...

My super keen powers of observation have led me to notice several different layers of wrongness in this world lately. There's Obviously Wrong- stealing, wearing black socks with sandals, being a Yankees fan or grown ass women wearing the word "Juicy" on their asses. Things of that nature.

Then there's Very Wrong: Calling your boss a lazy asshole, eating nachos without margaritas, mullets, talking to me about anything during a tie 9th inning, 2 out, bases loaded at bat, or anyone over a size 16 wearing a thong.... that sort of thing.




Wrong on 3 Different Levels would include: Smoking crack in front of your babies, torturing animals or pouring a bottle of Jameson down the toilet. All horrid, punishable by death offenses.

But last night I was witness to two new kinds of wrong. The first was a GD Johnny Damon 5th inning, 2 run homer against my beloved Sox. That turncoat bastard. We should all spit when we are forced to say his name. *Pa-too, pa-too* Maybe whisper his name like old ladies do diseases. You know... "Stella, she got the cancer, bless her..." "Someone had to pull Jeter off that Johnny Damon's butt again last night." I myself usually automatically add the prefix, "that GD" before having to speak his name. Traitor. Money hungry sellout. Heartless bastard.

But I digress...

It is just wrong that the baseball Gods made us witness that shit. I can only reason that I was forced to stomach it because the victory will be that much sweeter when we kick the collective Yankee ass tonight and tomorrow..

The last and most confusing Level of Wrongness that I have uncovered is the idiot seen above. While nursing a broken heart and flipping channels after the game last night, I stumbled across VH1's reality show "The Pick Up Artist", where the idiotically dressed man above, named "Mystery", teaches 8 young dorks how to walk, talk, dress and play women to sleep with them.

Yeah. It's so stupid, I can't even make this up.

The first thing wrong with this picture is this: How in the HELL does THIS asshole get chicks in the first place? Hello? Fuzzy hat? Goggles? Black fingernail polish and more eyeliner than 6 of my girlfriends wear? Purple leather duster? I would like to see what qualifications this skinny douche has for giving anyone advice about waking up in the morning and not shooting yourself in the face, much less how to pick up women. What makes this guy an expert and who the holy hell are the women that he picks up?!?!


My second question on this astronomical percentage of wrongness is where did they find 8 guys pathetic and sad enough to listen to this guy and hang on his every word on TELEVISION?

I know reality TV is not exactly the prime example of people with dignity, but FOR REAL? "My nickname is "Cosmo" and I have a dude named mystery talking in my ear telling me how to score bitches... Wanna make out?"

In last night's episode, the boys took kissing lessons from 2 hookerific friends of Mystery's. Then, after lesson was over (I shit you not!) they had to take a test to be graded. The test was each dude kissing one of the girls in turn. She lined them up and frenched each one back-to-back.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Honestly, if you want to boggle your own mind, check this show out. I'm not saying you won't want those 30 minutes of your life back- you will, (not to mention the fact that you will be more stupid just for having watched it) but if you are bored or drunk or bored and drunk, take a gander and see the 7th Wrong of the World....