SOXTOBER AGAIN!

Here's what Momma needs tonight, boys.

I need good, solid innings. We don't walk anyone- we get the K's. Jon, I'm not asking for a no-hitter. While I'm all for one and would never turn it down, I want you to know the expectation for that isn't there. All I'm asking for is 7, maybe 8 innings of awesome. I'm asking you to get us to the 9th with a lead and hand Paps the ball.

Paps, what I need is 9 straight strikes. I don't care how pretty they are. 3 up, 3 down. Give em' the crazy eye- stare them straight into hell, I don't care- whatever gets the job done. No one lays wood on the ball- make them fan the crowd until their hair blows. Just whatever you do- no runs, no walks... no skipping to bases, no strolling. No one touches those bags.

Got it boys? Let's take it one pitch at a time.

Tell my other guys what I need are hits. Yes, we all want to be heroes- and Grand Slams are f'ing AWESOME- but play SMART. Let me sum up:

Pick your pitch.

Hit the hell out of the ball.

GET ON THE BASE.

Repeat.

And one last thing- I would just like to remind you: You are the motherf*&^ing RED SOX. It is OCTOBER. You know what that means? It means you aren't men. You are gods. You have powers you don't even know about yet! It's go time, boys! Make me proud!

A BEA-YOUUUU-TA-FUL Way To Start the Day

Thanks for saying it all for me, Youk & MLB!!!!

The Block...in Review

First of all, I need to start for you where no one did for me. This bitch should come with a big sticker on the front WARNING any true NKOTB fans not to listen to it on their way to work, pick up their kids, go grocery shopping or anyplace where it would be highly inappropriate to be record levels of turned on and breathing funny. Because it will do so. In a BAD way.

Let me be very clear. So you can either not buy it for your daughters or so you can pour yourselves a drink and get into a satin robe before listening to it: This Album Is About Sex. Period. It is foreplay on a CD. And no, it’s NOT just because I have a dirty mind, thank you very much. I’m not gonna say my mental pictures aren’t going to be better than yours because of said dirty mind- because they might just be… But it really is.

After listening to it objectively 5 times through, I can officially state that what this album says to us, the lifelong fans is- “We were all too young back then, but we have all grown up now… And we could totally fuck if we wanted to… And we would be good at it. And you would like it... A lot.”

That said, here are this reviewers humble opinions so that we can all compare.

Click Click Click
This one is all about a man… and his camera. Taking pictures of the woman he worships. It is Jordan’s chocolately voice charming pants off of… Whoever. Love this song- but honestly can’t tell you if it’s because of the song or the video in my head. Doesn’t matter. Any song featuring Donnie saying the words “Take off your clothes for me” is aces in my book.

2.Single
It’s nice. It is. A good way for the boys to come back. I don’t put it on replay or anything, but it’s nice to hear the guys together again.

3.Big Girl Now
Dance-y and fun, I love this one. And more with the sex…

4. Summertime
I just ADORE this song. It makes me giggly and stupid. It is so fun and classic New Kids.

5. 2 in the Morning
A good one. If I’m honest, one I tend to skip over, if nothing else than to hurry up and get to #6… I’m impatient and demand gratification.

6. Grown Man
And this one delivers in the gratification department. Aye-ye-yie! Every time you hear Donnie say “Ima give you some Grown Man” there is no doubt exactly what he means.
7. Dirty Dancing
This is so fun and if anyone remembers Donnie’s almost Jamaican sounding raps from long ago, there’s a lot of that going on here. I was thrown by the “She’s like baby, I’m like Swayze” line at first because it sounded so damn cheesy, but this song is one that will grow on you.

8. Sexify My Love
I’m a fan of the made up word, but the first time I listened to this song, the word “sexify” just bothered me. Then I got to Joe crooning “I don’t care where we are, on the hood of my car, out in public making love in the streets…” aaaaaand I kinda didn’t care anymore. How the boys knew about my secret fantasy with Jeff Gordon on the hood of his still warm #24 Dupont Chevrolet, I don’t know, but they totally blew THAT one out of the water… Jeff who?

9. Twisted
This is one of my favorites. I LOVE this song. This is the one on replay. I love the beat, I love the words, the harmony. It is fast and fun.

10. Full Service (Featuring New Edition)
Again with the naughty images this one brings up…. Our guys sound awesome.

11. Lights, Camera, Action
This is a great song. And no, it is not about being on a set in Hollywood. Oh, it’s about filming alright, and I don’t care who you are- you’ll be agreeing to whatever the guys ask of you by the end of this one. But Joe, why do we only get one take?

12. Put It On My Tab (Featuring Akon)
Another indifferent one. It’s not bad by any means… I just tend to skip over it because I personally am over Akon.

13.Stare at You
Back in the day, you knew a few certainties when getting your Brand New NKOTB album… Donnie would have some awesome raps in there somewhere, Jordan would have lead vocals in 75% of the songs, you’d have to listen excruciatingly close to try to hear Jon…and Joe would have a heart clenching ballad.

Ladies, I give you the ballad. Yes, there's Jordan too. But this is the Big Girls version of Please Don’t Go Girl… and I HEART it.

14. One Song
This is another favorite that gets blasted on the way to work. If your car doesn’t become Dance Party USA during this one, you have no soul.

15. Don’t Cry
Like it. Made me wonder how the hell I ever went 13 years without hearing Joe and Jordan’s voices together.

16. Officially Over
This is the most fun damn breakup song you will ever hear.

17. Looking Like Danger
I like this one too, but again, I usually listen to the first half then skip over it to start over.

It really is a great CD. And I don’t mean “for a comeback of the New Kids”. It stands on its own compared to brand new artists. If I didn’t know who they were before, I would still love it. Fortunately for me, I have dreamt of this CD and tour for YEARS, so I just relish it that much more.

What’s odd is that I used to be such a Knight brother fanatic. I would lay awake at night trying to decide who I would marry when someday they both fell in love with me and asked me to marry them. I mean really, how could I come between 2 brothers like that? If I chose one, how would Christmas’s work?

Now? Now as a 33 year old woman I can’t even begin to list the appendages I would give up at a later date to be all up in the middle of a Joe & Donnie sammich. What is it about that damn Donnie??! And Joe with the eyes…and the crooning. I know where that came from. My Harry Connick Jr. fantasies have come to life again! Sigh.

I really hope this is just the beginning of something bigger. They didn’t come back with some Recycled Greatest Hits Album. They made a statement. They are back. And they are Grown. Ass. Men.

Hola...Housekeeping!

So as many of you know I work at a hotel. I am a catering sales manager. Sales- as in I gotta look the part. I wear heels and get my nails done... I wear make up and jewelry and try my best to make my hair cute everyday. It's kinda my job.

Because I work in a hotel, I am surrounded by housekeepers. And I am being truthful, not at all racially biased, when I say they are ALL Hispanic. They are. And a few of them that speak a little English are incredibly sweet and laugh at my feeble attempts at Spanish. I feel a lot of guilt for the most part, standing up and grabbing my own trash out of the can when they come into my office to clean, or holding doors open for them as much as possible. I walk on tiptoes away from the clean parts when they're mopping floors, I've even tried to sit with them in the break room at lunch where they told me in no spoken words at all they They. Don't. Like. That.

So I try to be nice, "Hey, I'm just one of the girls" and that doesn't work... One lady and I spied each other as I was coming into work this morning. I was getting out of my car, juggling a giant purse, my keys, a Lean cuisine, a bottled water and my cell phone. She was coming out of the hotel with 4 giant bags of garbage- one of them leaking some form of smelly, fermented liquid- and taking them to the trash.

"Hola, Maria!" I said smiling, and asked how she was doing.

How the fuck did I think she was doing? She's taking out the trash at 7:30am!

I made a move for the trash to help her and she smiled and giggled and said no. Which I knew she would- they always do, and I was secretly grateful.... Is that wrong? I mean... the bag was leaking.

Is that why these women won't sit near me at lunchtime? They think that I think I'm better? I swear I don't! I'm just glad I don't have to take out the trash or clean toilets! But I am extremely grateful to them for doing so! I really am.

So why are they talking about me in Spanish and then laughing, but won't and/or can't tell me why? Am I being to sensitive about it? And what do I do? If I am extra nice they feel like I'm pitying them. Gah! How do politicians DO this?!?

Manny Being... A Dodger

Now that the newness of it has worn off a bit, I feel like I can talk about it now...

But really, how freaking weird is it to see him in BLUE?!

Anyway, I knew he was pushing to get traded before the deadline and being as much of an ass as possible, but I really thought the Sox would tell him to sack up and play some freaking ball until the end of October, THEN send him off on his merry way... Maybe I'm just naive, but I really didn't see it coming. Which is why it was so mind blowing to me to see him standing there, all shits-and-grins talking about how he 'lubs Cal-ee-for-nee-ah beddy, beddy much". And like a punch in the gut to see Joe Torre right there with him...

Now I see the games and it's much like seeing an old boyfriend out and about with his new girlfriend. And they look happy together... and they're rubbing it in my face. I feel like he broke up with me and I gotta deal with it.

Granted Jason is proving himself nicely... but he's not Manny. And I know, no one was Pedro or Nomar or Trot, blahblahblah...

I'm getting over it.... and a big 'ol trophy will help me immensely ;-)

Stay Classy, San Diego

I will have photos soon, but we spent a week in beautiful San Diego with the kids last week. I don't think there's a section we didn't see- Old Town, Downtown, Seaport Village, the Maritime Museum, Petco Park, Gaslamp District, San Diego Zoo, Legoland, Coronado Island and on and on... We went to Solana Beach, Imperial Beach, Del Mar and Mission Beach. We played games at Belmont Park, we had ice cream at the cutest ice cream diner ever and, oh yeah, I damn near broke my ankle.

The first day at the beach I spent the first 2 hours counting to 4- all four kids present and accounted for...over and over and over... then as I finished rubbing Conner down with sunscreen I counted again... 1,2,3... 1,2,3... 1.....2...........3. Where was Matthew? He was no where to be seen and I freaked. I ran to the water, I screamed his name and then everything went into slow motion and I couldn't see straight. It was like seeing underwater.... All I could do was run...right into a hole where I rolled my ankle completely in and landed on it. It hurt, but I couldn't think about anything but Matthew. So I ran...and somehow found the lifegaurd station.

They assured me nothing happened in the water- which I immediately called bullshit on. "The water goes FOREVER- how do YOU know nothing happened in the water???!" So they put out an all points bulletin- little boy, olive green trunks with orange stripes, blonde and tan, missing front tooth. All I could think of was the damn water... he's in the water...

And at bedtime last week when I kissed his face and he asked me "Will I always be in your heart, Mommy?" "Yes, baby, of course... You're my number one guy"

And he was missing...

4, 5, 6 minutes go by. One lifegaurd walked me down the beach and I had to stop to puke. I vaugely realized that I was having a hard time walking fast in the sand.

5 or 6 more minutes passed and she got a call on her radio that they'd found him. NOT in the water, thank blessed gawd, but TWELVE blocks down the beach. He'd gotten disoriented when he came out of the water and of course, couldn't see without his glasses! I hadn't even considered that! I had to wait 3 more long minutes for them to drive my son back

I expected his face to be melting off with tears, but he was fine. "Hi, Mommy... Where were you?"

I carried him back to our spot because I couldn't let go of him and almost fell the whole way. We promptly packed up and headed away from the beach and as soon as the adrenaline stopped pumping, I fell apart. MY face melted off, the ankle blew up to the size of my knee and started turning black.

It was the scariest 15 minutes of my entire life. I don't think I would have been more terrified if someone had been holding a gun to my head. I am still shaken when I think about it.....
But I iced that bitch and wrapped it up like I was going in to fight Rocky. I made it 12 hours at Legoland the next day and 6 hours around the zoo the day after that. No wussy ankle was keeping me down!

We still had a great week with me hobbling all over San Diego and everyone we met was fabulous. The next time we went to the beach, we parked ourselves directly underneath a HUGE red flag and told Matthew "See the GIANT flag? We're UNDER it" and then got him busy digging a trench from our towels to the water... So what the tide came in and ruined it? Start over...and over...aaaaand over. There ya go, son....

It's looking way better now, but in commemoration, here ya go...Pretty, no?

Posts! They are A'Comin'!

I know its been awhile, but after the whole Manny incident, I couldn't think straight. And then I was in San Diego for a week, then the wheels fell off at work...blahblahblah, excuses, excuses! I know! BUT! I do have plenty to share the least of which is my opinion on Manny playing under...gulp... Joe Torre. I know, I know- everyone has a take. Did he need to go? Maybe. Did I see it coming? Yes. Did I see it coming before the end of this season? Hell to the No, I didn't.

Had fun in Cali, if not for a few not so fun adventures which I will share soon...

Stay tuned!